Edges

Inner work that sustains: soft thick rope. An internal love of self, soul and spirit. Transformation and trust. Bonded like twine.

There are times for deep expansion of self. To push the edges totally of what we thought we have known. Break down the barriers and calcified edges of who we think we are, who we think we have to be. What we think we have to do to fit in, be loved, be arousing or aroused. Be ‘normal’. Be eccentric. Be human.

This process of awakening and soul emergence is an inner and outer journey of growth, meeting new edges, dredging up unexpected surprises that lay dormant in our psyche.

Often places that we don’t remember or have avoided. Places that have become so at home inside ourselves and there’s comfort in the story of my trauma, my pain, my disasters.

These tales, imprints and battlescars can become like old friends - who am I without this thing I carry around? An old program running in the background like tinnitus where the hum is so constant life just rings quietly all of the time.

And then there are the moments of POP. Sometimes loud, sometimes soft like when you descend from high altitude and realise your ears were blocked and now they’re not.

Something has shifted - some inner gaze has turned more loving. Some experience helps us taste the divine.

Giving yourself to your process has eased the edges and there is satiation, satisfaction.

A soothing in the soul when it gains more ground and we realise - good god, I am not that thing!

Hallelujah.

Now I can breathe again,

And depending on how you’re wired:

Now I can move onto the next missing piece. The next place that needs love. The next thing that needs healing. The next sip from the bottomless cup of Truth.

And depending on where this desire is coming from:

What happens when you realise the search ain’t over. The next retreat finishes and you go back home where nothing has changed but everything has changed?

What then?

Are you consistently catching up with your edges so transformation is sustainable or blowing the fuses and re-wiring every time?

I am coming to understand on a deep deep level that the story never ends. There is always more. There is always more space for the soul to inhabit. God is always waiting to greet you at the door. The key that unpicks this lock is the deep and radically loving cultivation of relationship with self, soul and spirit. The knocking starts inside the heart and moving at the pace of the internal knock helps avoid the ram raids later.

Teachers, guides, retreats and mentors are invaluable. Experts and therapists and friends and loved ones. Ask for the help you need and seek it gladly.

But know that embodied, sustainable transformation that permeates through your communication, your inner landscape, your body, your relationships… your daily life… truly occurs when it is welcomed by you in reverence to you.

Yes when there has been enough work done to house the expansion. Yes when the old wallpaper has been removed so the new paintings can emerge.

But crucially, when you can surrender to being at the right place at the right time.

To expect nothing more than what you’re capable of and know there is always an important stretch within reach.

Transformation often happens in the quiet moments.

You don’t need to paint your stories on the wall to feel them as separate.

You will feel it in the stillness when you catch yourself: More loving. More aware, more gentle with all of it. More hungry for Truth because more trust has been cultivated. More at peace with the parts that pushed and more at home in the places that are happy, just as they are.

I speak from experience - someone cooked and never fully ready. Someone thirsty and never fully drunk.

Until… For now, at least.

I am stretched to my edges (again and again) and yet I don’t need to get somewhere.

Perhaps for the very first time, I taste what it’s like to have nothing to prove to me.